I was overcome on Saturday with the urge to do some research on a great quote from a great man. “Knowledge is good.” Oh, how difficult it is to argue with the elegant simplicity of that. And who is the inspirational leader who said those words?
Why Emil Faber of course!
Faber is the fictitious founder of the fictitious school, Faber College, home of Delta Tau Chi fraternity. Which is otherwise known as “Animal House.”
Laugh all you want, but “knowledge is good” are words we need badly right now.
So this week I have chosen seven random incidents to put on a list that no one would want to be on. I will do my best to be fair about it.
- The inspiration for today’s column comes from Gov. Mike Pence when he told a crowd in Florida on Friday to ignore “whatever is in the news.” So apparently, knowledge during this campaign actually is not good. Well, why didn’t the GOP team say that earlier? The rest of their campaign would make so much more sense if they had. The anti-knowledge strategy, albeit new, could have really caught on this year.
- Andrew Luck and our beloved Indianapolis Colts were flagged for delay of game on a play immediately following a timeout last Sunday, at home against the Chicago Bears. This political season has distracted me from my occasional sports column, and that’s too bad, because this Colts organization is crying out to be made fun of. And that penalty is only one small taste of their brand of stupid this year. After the election, I will refocus on them. I promise.
- Donald Trump, at a rally in West Palm Beach, Florida on Thursday, used these words to defend himself amid sexual assault allegations by a People magazine reporter: “Take a look, you take a look, look at her, look at her words — you tell me what you think. I don’t think so.” Any man who wants to argue that he is innocent of sexual assault on the grounds that he now believes the alleged victim is unattractive, is too stupid to be president (among other things). I know many of you think that one should be number one on this list, and you would be correct. But I’m trying to keep you reading till the end.
- The Yellow Pages, yes the actual paper books, were delivered to my house this week and dropped on my sidewalk inside a plastic bag designed to keep them dry in case it rained. I don’t have anything to add to that extreme act of stupidity. Stop it YP, just stop it.
- I found out this week that in September, the Trump campaign raised more than $100 million. I want a copy of this donor list. And I want to talk to these people after the election especially. They should have invested in Powerball tickets.
- Tiger Woods announced on October 7 his intention to play in this week’s PGA tour event, which would be his first competitive round in fifteen months. Three days later, he withdrew, citing concerns about the state of his game. What happened to his game last weekend? During that three days he went from announcing one of the biggest sports comebacks in recent memory to saying he wasn’t ready to play. I am a golfer. I am a Tiger fan. I would have rather seen him show up and shoot a couple of 80s than to withdraw again. But I’m now torn whether the comeback announcement was stupid, or the withdrawal was. It’s a dilemma.
- Last Sunday, two days after the news of the infamous Trump sexual assault tapes were common knowledge, and approximately ninety minutes before the second presidential debate, Trump put together a “Facebook Live” session with four women alleging they had been harmed by President Bill Clinton or Hillary Clinton, or both. Thud. The advantage of being in public life for thirty years at the level of the Clinton’s is that America has already vetted them repeatedly. The stupidity of this stunt only pales in comparison with the thought that he can convince America that someone, anyone, is less fit to be president than he is.
Hey, we all make mistakes. This column might even be one of mine.
And though the topic of fascism was not directly brought up during this week’s edition, I want to announce that I am reconsidering my opposition to book burning. I’m ok with it if the books are yellow, littered into my yard, have no valuable information in them, are designed to help me use a land line I don’t have, to make calls to people who have websites.
Burn those. Burn all of those.