I remember when, as a child, this time of year was filled with unmitigated joy. Like Ralphie in “A Christmas Story,” dreams really could come true. But as a nine-year-old boy, I never thought to ask Santa for a Red Ryder Carbine Action 200-shot Range Model Air Rifle. By the time I was nine, I didn’t believe in Santa, and my best friend already had a BB gun. We didn’t need two.

Almost 50 years later, most of that joy has returned for me, and it’s no mystery how. I really only have two holiday goals. First, as a gift to myself, I keep it simple. Next, all of my “shopping” for others is replaced with simple acts of kindness. 

Johns Hopkins Medicine writes, “4 Mindful Tips to De-Stress This Holiday Season,” to describe  a plan that can make a difference for many. I don’t teach math, but even I can count to four. 

The first tip is to “accept imperfection.” Over the years, I’m glad I didn’t keep track of all the angst the drive for the perfect family holiday caused people around me. Clark Griswold’s failed attempt at it in “Christmas Vacation” is hilarious, yes, but only unusual in the details. Hosting or participating in the “perfect” holiday is a goal fraught with peril.

The crowded house I grew up in was the entirety of my holiday universe then. School would be out for two whole weeks, there was no available room for pesky relatives to stay, and the food, oh the food, was the primary feature of every one of those days. The holidays of my childhood were perfect, right? Of course they weren’t, and even though I remember them as if they were, I wasn’t the one creating them. The adults did. 

Not losing sight of “what really counts” is tip number two. Most will quickly interpret that to mean, “the true meaning of Christmas,” but the lesson is far more simple. Keeping the tasks of the season in their context will keep all of the stressors from engulfing one’s soul, especially when the soul has more important things to do. 

Since my nine-year-old Christmas in 1977, this time of year slowly grew complicated for me like it does for everyone. As early as my late teens and early twenties, the break from school brought the worry of final exams and their results. Those “pesky relatives” that my crowded house kept from visiting, had become my older siblings who had grown up and moved away. And I missed them terribly. The unlimited, delicious and wildly unhealthy food my parents prepared, began to bring with it a price tag and other unfortunate consequences to consider. Yikes. 

“Responding with kindness” is third on the Johns Hopkins list, though I see it more as the theme. Not only responding, but prioritizing kindness as a holiday mindset can accomplish many things. For me, it got me through a long drive south, through the hellscape known as Georgia, just two days ago. 

The gift of kindness

Kindness though, is really the only gift I intentionally give this time of year. I am drawn to one of my favorite poems, “Guilty,” by Marguerite Wilkinson. She writes of the “unattempted loveliness,” those often omitted acts of kindness that can brighten someone’s day and warm their hearts. This is the time of year I intentionally think of this most. It’s all I “shop” for anymore. No one ever asks for it, like Ralphie asked for the gun, and because of that, it’s always a surprise. 

Finally, to “rethink your resolutions,” is another tip that grows out of the strategy of being kind. Only this time, the advice is to prioritize that kindness for yourself. I spent most of my life without giving this a moment’s thought, and then would wonder how periods like this weren’t working for me. Not anymore. 

Looking back at the beginning of my experience of adult holidays, I realize that I began to let the season simply happen to me, as opposed to actively choosing what suits me and those near me. There were traditions, which is another word for obligations, that I had been clinging to, but I had stopped enjoying a long time ago. Those things are out now. 

I can never go back to being nine again, not even for a moment, and my holiday routines have changed dramatically since then. The things I loved doing then, I assumed were things everyone around me loved also. Many of those things evolved into hassles and stressors that I discovered were not required. 

My holidays are simple, kind and stress free. Now, I think I will call my childhood friend and see what happened to that BB gun.