Today is hopefully the first of two days this football season where Bill Belichick comes to town and gives our town an opportunity to cream his Patriots.  Let’s discuss the list of reasons to hate them so that we as a community can bond for a few hours this evening.

First, there is the whole “Beli-cheat” scandal.  I’m all for pushing the envelope, and in sports, I often agree with the “if you ain’t cheating, you ain’t trying” attitude.  But using video to steal the play calling of other teams in the league? It’s a bit like the order to “sweep the leg” in The Karate Kid. It’s awful how easily this faded into a distant memory. For me, it’s a reflection of the Patriots’ character. We can hate them for this at least until he is gone.

Next, Tom Brady. I am tired of watching his cry baby act on the field. Too often, he acts like the Michael Jordan of the NFL–expecting to get every call and behaving as if his constitutional rights have been violated anytime he doesn’t. He’s too pretty for football.  His wife is too pretty for him. It’s disgustingly cliche. And finally, he went to the University of Michigan.

Rob Gronkowski. He’s a different football player cliche himself. Most importantly though, I am sick of the injury chronicles here. Every injury he has is the worst of its kind and every recovery from it is miraculous. It’s guys like him that are making youth football a struggle because too many anti-football people know about his boo boos.

Bob Kraft. Now admittedly, I used to hate him largely because I thought he was part of the Kraft Foods empire. He isn’t and never has been. I do continue to hate him because of his crazy deep pockets and his team’s ability (through his private equity pile of cash) to bat an eye and throw up their new stadium without a second thought.  In a league with salary caps and a goal of parity, this continues to be an advantage that big market teams and super rich ownership has over teams like ours (see Jerry Jones and the Cowboys).  Leave it to this rich guy to make our own rich guy seem poor.

Which leads me to my final point, like the Cowboys, the “Patriots” is a team name that makes it seem like THEY think they are America’s team. Uh no they are not. They are just another big market team that continues to enjoy the spoils of that status.  They are as un-American as it gets. If I had to choose America’s team, the only nominees would come from small markets. And I wouldn’t let our Colts accept the nomination because they belong to us exclusively.

In closing, it feels good to hate the Patriots. I’m glad we aren’t them. I hate New England Clam Chowder. I think it’s awesome that “Frazier” left Boston and had such a hilarious show in Seattle. Boston still owes us for Larry Bird, and now Brad Stephens. It’s a real shame that the curse of the Bambino was lifted, because those were truly good times.

If you’re looking for something to hate, and in a harmless way, this is it Indianapolis. Let’s join hands, hearts and souls, and for a few hours tonight, unite in our common bond. If we win, let’s spend the next several weeks hoping we get to do it all again in January.